


Realisation Is Only The Beginning

by Supernova95



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Lots of Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Nemeton, Nogitsune Stiles, from tumblr, season 3b aftermath
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-24
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 14:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1229572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supernova95/pseuds/Supernova95
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles hadn’t been to a pack meeting in over a month. Not that Derek was counting, or that he missed the kid… he was just worried.</p>
<p>Even Allison, who had been through a similar ordeal, had attended every pack meeting since the defeated the Nogitsune.</p>
<p>The only reason Derek know’s Stiles is still alive is when they accidentally bump into each other in the store, and Stiles just looks so exhausted, so withdrawn, and the guilt-pain-sorrow radiating off him was almost so potent that Derek had to take a step back.</p>
<p>It did however feel like a punch in the gut. As did the face of pure longing Stiles pulled as he saw Derek. </p>
<p>And Derek had no idea what to make of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realisation Is Only The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> For [Miss Neme](http://mgnemesi.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, and her [plot bunny](http://mgnemesi.tumblr.com/post/77639762977/can-i-drop-here-a-sterek-fic-idea-thats-been</a>).

Stiles hadn’t been to a pack meeting in over a month. Not that Derek was counting, or that he missed the kid… he was just worried.

Even Allison, who had been through a similar ordeal, had attended every pack meeting since the defeated the Nogitsune.

The only reason Derek know’s Stiles is still alive is when they accidentally bump into each other in the store, and Stiles just looks so exhausted, so withdrawn, and the guilt-pain-sorrow radiating off him was almost so potent that Derek had to take a step back.

It did however feel like a punch in the gut. As did the face of pure longing Stiles pulled as he saw Derek. 

And Derek had no idea what to make of that.

It wasn’t until Stiles missed another two pack meetings that he broached the topic with Scott.

The Alpha’s eyes, usually so full of hope, filled with sorrow. He collapsed back onto his bed squeezing his eyes shut tight and rubbing his hands over his face in exasperation.

“I- he’s- I don’t know man.” He managed finally. “He went through so much, I mean, anyone else in his position would have just given up, but he didn’t. Even when the Nogitsune took control, took his face, his life, his brain and hurt people with them; he still came out on top. 

“But he’s different now. He’s struggling and I honestly don’t know what I can do to help. I’ve tried; we play games; we practice lacrosse; we hand out like old times; we sat down and had an honest to God heart to heart and nothing is fucking helping.

“He blames himself. Says he should have been stronger, should have fought harder and maybe people didn’t have to die, maybe Isaac wouldn’t still be recovering. He’s in so much pain and it’s not the kind I can help with.

“I thought I was through being helpless.” 

Derek didn’t know how to react, then again he didn’t know what he was going to do going into this conversation in the first place. So he tried to remember what his mom did at times like this.

Moving slowly he sat down next to Scott on his bed, and drew him into a line armed embrace, rubbing his hand up and down on Scott’s arm, squeezing every so often as a comforting gesture.

Scott’s heartbeat, that had been off the charts, slowly returned to normal.

“We’re going to help him. He’s going to be okay.”

Scott turned to look him in the eyes.

“Is he though?”

-

Stiles was trying so hard to forget about everything. He couldn’t get the images out of his head though. When the Nogitsune left everything he had blacked out of was suddenly there, imprinted on his mind like a scar. One that wasn’t just going to fade away.

And seeing Derek Hale in the store made it more of a festering wound, a stab in the gut to everything that could have been, but will never be.

“Hey kiddo, I’m going to pick us up some dinner, you want anything in particular?” His dad shouted up the stairs, and Stiles put on his best smile. You always sound happier if you smile.

“Nah dad, I’m good with just the normal thanks.” He replied, letting out a sigh. Pretending was so much harder than it used to be. Lies and half truths used to roll off his tongue like the alphabet or the two times table, now he had to work to be convincing, and he was just so tired.

“Okay two burgers and curly fries coming right up. I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Kay, bye dad. Love you.” He had to say it. Always, just in case. The Nogitsune had come so close to killing his dad, he had to affirm that he loved him every time they parted. Just in case.

“Love you too kiddo.” His dad finished as he shut the door with a deafening slam, though Stiles thinks that’s just because he’s a little too sensitive to sound at the moment.

He slumps into bed. It’s not even seven yet and he could sleep for a lifetime. He should get up, there’s another pack meeting going on tonight, it’ll be the eighth he’s missed since he was freed, but he can’t bring himself to care. Especially not as Derek was going to be there. 

Nobody told him life was going to be like this constant battle that he was always losing. He wished he could go back to that damned night and stop both Scott and himself from going into the woods. Then this would never have happened.

Really everything was all his fault. 

The Nogitsune. The Darach. The Alphas. Boyd, Erica, Jackson, Gerard. All of it. His fault.

He screamed into his pillow. He had thought of ending it, once and for all, but really what would that do? It wouldn’t suddenly make everything right, it wouldn’t bring back his friends, it wouldn’t suddenly reverse all the shit that’s happened. All that would happen is that he would be another for the pack to morn, another failure, another weak link.

And his dad. He couldn’t leave his dad all alone, they had already lost so much, and Stiles had almost lost him; he couldn’t make his dad go though that too.

He couldn’t do it.

So he just struggles on, trying to be as normal as possible. Hanging out with Scott, playing lacrosse and Assassins Creed as they used to: before. He does not think about how Isaac is still in the hospital because of him, how everyone in town almost died because of him. 

And he does not think about Derek Hale.

Until of course the beta has to knock at his window.

-

It wasn’t the best idea in the world, but it was their only one, well his only one. Derek’s plan involves him going to talk to Stiles, being a face he hasn’t seen much over the last few months. Being a shoulder to cry on, someone to rant at, or to just be there. 

Though, to be perfectly honest he was expecting more of a struggle to get Stiles to open the window and let him in.

“So, what can I do for you tonight Mr Sourwolf?” Stiles turned and walked back over to his bed, gesturing for Derek to sit down on his desk chair. 

He looked so with drawn, even more so than when Derek had seen him at the store. His eyes were unfocused, the grey bags outlining them stark against his too pale face. Derek could hear his heartbeat was too fast and his breathing came in short pants, clear signs that Stiles was exhausted. It was so worrying for Derek. Stiles was supposed to be a hyperactive ball of annoyance that buzzed around the pack like a fly on caffeine, not this ghost.

“I was thinking that I could do something for you.” Derek expected many reactions to that statement, most of them ended with Stiles opening up to him, but even in the one where Stiles cut himself off more from him, Derek never imagined he'd start shouting.

“What?” Stiles argued, enraged. “You think that you’d just waltz in here and all my problems would be solved? Like you’re a walking miracle that has the power to do anything?” Stiles choked out a sob, tears streaking down his cheeks. “Well I’ve got news for you Derek Hale, you’re not. There is nothing you can say or do that would make this any better. So why bother trying?”

Derek stared at his lap for a long while, not trying to think about the pain and sorrow Stiles felt. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and lifted his head to meet Stiles’.

“Because you’re strong. Stronger than anything else. Because we- because I believe you can fight this and win. Because you have a pack, a family, that are all worried for you Stiles, we’re coming apart at the seams, we need you back.”

Stiles flinched back at each word, his eyes opening in shock, his jaw hanging limp. His words couldn’t have been that much of a surprise could they? Stiles has to know he has people there willing to die for him.

But then Stiles was scurrying back on his bed, away from Derek, who reached out in comfort, only to have Stiles violently jerk away from his hand.

“No, no no no no no no no. You you’re supposed to be gone. I told you never to come back, I don’t need you, I don’t- I don’t want you here. Please.” Stiles face crumpled into tears, his body sagging, giving into his exhaustion. 

Derek caught him as he fell sideways, stopped him form landing on the floor and cautiously embraced him, rubbing circles into his back.

Holding him though his begs and pleas until he finally cries himself to sleep.

Derek stays a while, brushing a hand though Stiles’ hair as the boy sleeps peacefully for the first time in a long time, but eventually the Sheriff comes home and Derek leaves though the window.

Stiles is handling everything a lot worse than he would have them believe.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a [tumblr](http://supernova2395.tumblr.com/) if anyone's interested.


End file.
